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Observations of an Equine Addict
The Rug Hoarder
Recognizing the rug hoarder can commonly be mistaken for the pigeon lady off home alone, they are usually found wearing a tatty coat with a broken zip, boots with worn soles, a hat that they got as a freebie from there BHS membership and jodhpurs with crotch ventilation as they like to call it.
About The Author
Kimberley Turner is an equine nutritionist for Hickstead Horse feeds and equestrian addict with a love for all things bling. She is based in North Lincolnshire with her four horses and travels the UK with her career visiting anywhere from elite performance horses to circus trained miniature Shetlands.
The Rug Hoarders Testament
Their bible consist of several testaments of a variation of equine catalogs with worn corners and highlighted products with wishful thinking that the other half may stubble upon this reading material when sat on his morning thrown. Stood among the herd of horses is a Liquorice allsorts known as ‘the pride & joy’ of the rug hoarder.
Not only does the mighty steed look like Michelin man sporting Joseph’s technicolored dream coat he can be seen from space. The rug hoarder has meticulously studied each rug form like a race horse trainer analyzing the field. Each layer consists of more technicalities then a cake from the British bake off.
The rug hoarder will proudly walk on to the yard with squelching boots leading there steed wearing matching head collar and lead rope, coordinating to the lining of today’s rug.
Clicking each magical latest buckle like a QVC salesperson loudly stating ‘only the best for the best’ ensuring every livery can hear. Revealing layer after layer of modern revolutionary state of the art ruggology. The rug hoarder gains great satisfaction from each rug and stores them more carefully than their wedding dress or family air looms.
the international space station have been informed that the orange stripe polka dot steed located in the fields of Lincolnshire is not a UFO.
The mighty steed is then redressed in nearly 700 grams of denier, lining and buckled stable wear just to prove to the other half that ‘yes he did need them’ exhales and squeezes through the stable doo fearful of rolling due to the turtle effect ( the inability to get back up) as a cold tatty gloved hand slides down under there designer wear followed by ‘yeah warm enough!’
with a kiss on the snozzle the rug hoarder climbs into their twenty year old banger bellowing smoke off the yard heading home to read more ruggology and list last year’s rugs on social media as there are not this year’s colours, also that the international space station have been informed that the orange stripe polka dot steed located in the fields of Lincolnshire is not a UFO.